"I choose to dress like this so I should expect to be sexually assaulted one day."

"Well, he did pay for dinner so, in a way, I could have expected that he would rape me."

These statements are two of many commonly held myths about violence against women, myths that minimise the seriousness of the crime and the responsibility of the attacker. They affect the way women feel about themselves when they have experienced violence and the way they are treated by other people.

The myths help perpetuate violence against women by making the abuser's actions seem acceptable, which stops women from seeking help and stops others from helping.

The first step towards challenging the violence is to understand the reality behind the myths, enabling women to come to terms with what is really happening to them and exposing violence for what it really is - a social concern, not just an individual problem.

Myth - Violence against women isn't that widespread

The statistics speak for themselves. Violence against women is alarmingly prevalent.

Domestic violence contributes to more ill health and premature death for women aged 15 to 44 than any other single factor.

In Australia, one in three women who have been in a relationship have experienced violence by a partner.

Myth - Most of the time, violence against women is committed by strangers

Women face the greatest risk of violence from men they know, not from strangers.

Of the women who are assaulted, more than two-thirds are assaulted by men known to them: dates, boyfriends, marital partners, friends, family members or neighbours. Most women can avoid being alone at night in dark alleys, but they still won't be safe. When a woman knows the man who sexually assaults her, it is less likely that it will be recognised as a crime, even by her. But these sexual assaults are not a matter of miscommunication - they are just as much a crime as a sexual assault committed by a stranger.

Myth - Violence only happens in poor and uneducated families

The belief that women are more often assaulted by working-class men or men of particular ethnicities is a stereotype rooted in racism and prejudice. Abusers come from all walks of life, all backgrounds and anyone can be abused. Wives of judges, teachers, doctors and politicians suffer from domestic violence. Violence happens in all types of families, in urban and rural communities, in all ethnic groups, in rich, poor and middle-class families to people of any age. Violence crosses all boundaries.

Older women and women with disabilities are often dependent on their family for support, shelter and daily living requirements, such as medicine and meals. Abuse may be physical or it may come in the form of neglect by a family member withholding assistance or food. This type of abuse goes largely unreported. Even when they are pregnant, women suffer from domestic violence.

There is no specific type of home in which violence happens. For this reason, it is often called the most 'democratic' of all crimes.

Myth - She asked for it. She deserved it. She provoked it.

No one deserves or asks to be beaten or emotionally abused. Perpetrators often blame women for provoking them and women often blame themselves because they have been consistently told that violence is all their fault. No behaviour justifies a violent response. There is no excuse for violence.

There is only one person who is responsible for violence - the abuser. The abuser makes the choice to abuse.

Myth - Everybody knows what kind of girl she is ... She wasn't wearing much...

Rape is never the victim's fault. No one asks to be raped and no one deserves it. Rape is not caused by women's choice of clothes or women's behaviour. It happens because perpetrators choose to commit a crime.

Myth - Things can't be that bad if she hasn't walked out

There are many reasons why women stay with someone who has been violent towards them. The most compelling reason is that it can be safer to stay. Research has shown that violence often escalates and becomes more unpredictable when women leave. Leaving can be dangerous. Staying can enable women to have some control, however limited.

There are other reasons why a woman does not just leave a violent situation, such as:

  • dependence on her partner's money or earnings
  • fear, shame, guilt
  • family pressure to keep the marriage intact
  • children
  • fear of being socially isolated
  • hope that the husband really will change.

The fact that a woman is unwilling or unable to leave does not excuse the violence committed against her.

Myth - Violence is in men's nature

Violence is not built into men's genes - using violence is a choice men make to exercise power and control.

Many men are not violent towards their partners or families. Of those who are, most who assault their partners confine the violence to the privacy of their home. Violent husbands are not likely to attack their bosses or any member of the public because they are frustrated.

"Often prolonged exposure to violence has the effect of making the woman believe that she deserves to be hurt. It distorts your confidence and some women may start to rationalise their partner's behaviour. Often, the only provocation has been that she has simply asked for money or food, or not had a meal ready on time, or been on the telephone too long." - Women's Aid Federation of England

Do something about violence against women today

You can take action to stop violence against women now on our Stop violence against women campaign page. You'll also find more information on the campaign, some great resources, news and blogs.